Posts Tagged ‘aging’
Taking Care Of Aging Parents
May 19, 2011
Today, among the overloaded clutter of single parenting self help books, it’s delightful to discover one that not only presents exactly what the title offers, but exceeds all expectations with new insights, realistic information and success strategies to guide readers through the labyrinth of post-divorce parenthood that helps parents and children not just survive, but thrive. The book is The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid to Help Your Children Thrive After Divorce by Carolyn Ellis. Best-selling author, Carolyn Ellis, has combined her academic background, broad based professional experience and personal involvement with divorce and single parenthood to create a definitive book every single-parent should have as a practical parenting road map. The book is based on extensive research and examination of real life instances from clients, single parents, seminar students and her own invaluable experiences of raising three young children after divorce.
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It took me a while to see it. Having to repeat the same things to my mother several times, sometimes because she didn’t hear what I said, others because she didn’t remember that I had already told her. There were the limitations on driving that appeared seemingly overnight, and the physical frailties that I had not noticed before.
At some point, my mother had gotten older. Into her late seventies now, the woman who took care of me, followed our high school band on trips across the state, followed me to New York for my Carnegie Hall debut, not to mention driving the 300 miles every other weekend for over a decade to help with kids during my unusual work schedule…..she was now hitting the point where such activities were not ideal.
Nobody likes to admit that their parents are getting older, because it reminds us that they are human, with a finite existence, and that we won’t always have them around. But aging is part of the process, and as our parents enter their sunset years, we need to be aware of it and take proper steps to take care of them and look after them during this time.
One of the most common complaints you will hear from people is that of elderly folks driving, namely that they can’t. Most states do start making seniors take their driving test more often. If your parents are becoming dangers to themselves, the best thing to do is to get them to surrender their keys. Often times, a third party can prove beneficial in such a conversation, such a trusted physician or minister who can break the news. Loss if independence (i.e. driving privileges) can be devastating for older adults.
We joke with our parents about putting them in nursing homes, but the fact is that such a move may very well become a reality. Ideally, I think most of us would prefer to have our parents come and live with us, which is very thoughtful and considerate, however, there is real life to contend with, and sometimes an assisted living community is the best option. This is a discussion that should be had early on, when planning for later life events. Obviously, it would be easier to do if you have your parents blessing. Doing so otherwise has about as much charm as being incarcerated at the state pen.
One should also be aware of the location of various important items, such as wills, in the event the parent is to die suddenly. Having a plan in place for the execution of wills, dispensation of estate, etc will prevent additional heartache when the time comes.
On a related note, the parent’s final wishes should be honored. What do they want in the way of end of life care? Do they wish to be kept alive artificially? Do they want burial? Cremation? The body donated to science or medical schools? You may find that your elderly parents have very specific wishes for their end of life care.
Become the decision maker in their lives. They may specifically ask you about this, when they become too old, feeble, or mentally incapacitated to make decisions for themselves. Be willing to step up and let them know that you are there and will make decisions that are in their best interests.
Never tell them what they “should” do. Starting sentences with “you should” puts up a defensive wall almost instantly. Instead, begin your sentences with “I” as it is less confrontational and much more likely to actually be listened to.
Keep your emotions in check. I was reminded recently that I exhibited very little patience with my mother when I had to repeat phrases she hadn’t heard, or if we were having the same conversation this afternoon that we had this morning. Remember that your parents cannot control much of what is happening to them. As we get older things break down, and that includes things such as memory and hearing. Cut them some slack.
No, it is not easy to watch our parent grow older. But with the right attitude, we can make those years much easier on them. Take the time today to begin looking at ways you can take care of your parents…..just think of it as paying them back for the excellent job they did raising you!
Billy D Ritchie is the Director Of Content for LeadsByFone, LLC, a lead generation company servicing the carpet drying and water damage restoration industry.
When not writing and educating folks about the perils of water damage, he is also a freelance writer, sometime actor, and formerly professional musician. He also enjoys spending his weekends building and flying model rockets.
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THE MYTH OF GENDER-FREE PARENTING by Dr. Harold Sala Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13 At age three, Charles Ballard was abandoned by his father. At age seventeen, he, himself, became a father but walked away from his son, just as his dad had done fourteen years before. By age 25, he was a convict in a penitentiary, having been sentenced on a drug charge. But in prison, like the prodigal Jesus told about, he came to his senses and determined to make something of his life when he was released. He did, too. First, he earned a high school equivalency diploma, then a college degree, and then a master’s degree. In the process he was reunited with his son and began working in a local hospital. Ballard was struck by the number of single women who came to the hospital, pregnant, alone and with little hope of making it in the world. Ballard began speaking to young black men, urging them not to make the mistakes he had made, and began helping families to connect. Today, more than 3000 men have gone through his program and scores of families have been united. Today, there is a myth that dads don’t count, that parenting should be gender-free, and that having peace in a home is more important than having a dad there. That, of course, is based on the myth that having a dad creates more problems than it solves. Nothing could be further from the truth. A study done by sociologist David Popenoe of Rutgers University documented the …
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Caring for Aging Parents at Home
May 18, 2011
Y&R The Young and the Restless Billy and Victoria baby Lucy scenes: At home, Billy tells Vikki he’s going to pack up Jana’s stuff and then they’ll go on a picnic. As they talk, the doorbell rings – it’s Phyllis. She looks directly at Lucy. Vikki realizes she knows. Phyllis asks to hold Lucy. Vikki passes her over. Phyllis tears up. She tells them that Lucy needs to be with her real family. Billy says she is with her real family and there is nothing to discuss. Vikki adds that they’re the only parents Lucy knows. Billy asks her Phyllis to go. They all start arguing. Vikki reminds Phyllis she was declared an unfit mother. Daniel walks in and tells Phyllis their conversation is over – he’s signed away his parental rights. Phyllis objects, but Daniel tells her to back off. She says she’ll never back off and this is not over!
Article by Ted Prodromou
Taking care of your parents at home is one of the best decision you will ever make and this is not just because it is more financially appealing. The fact is, nothing beats being the actual person to care for your parents. Just think of it this way–when you were a kid your parents were the ones who took care of you and now that they are too old and need you, then wouldn’t it be just right that you give back the love? But admittedly, it can be very tough to care for aging parents. So you need to brush up some important things first before you get to do it.
Patience is always key when it comes to caring for aging parents. They would be forgetful and at times, they would pester you on the smallest things. They might even throw tantrums every so often. So how do you exactly deal with that? Well, you treat them with patience and respect. You have to be able to carefully explain to them why you can’t attend to certain things and you need to explain to them some things that they might have a different idea about. You can’t just fight it off with them.
Another important thing to have when it comes to caring for your aging parents is first aid skills. This would help you prepare should they need your immediate help. Because they are weaker than ever, they might need your help more often than ever. So you have to be prepared to jump in and make sure that you can attend to their needs. It helps to know some first aid techniques which you can use when the need arises. For more information on how elderly care can be done right within the comforts of your own home or as facilitated by you, better check out http://www.takingcareofyourparents.com/
About the Author
Ted Prodromou, author of this article is also interested in caregiver jobs and recommends you to please check out this link on Taking Care of Your Parents if you liked reading this information.
"Louisiana’s Encroachment on Parental Rights" on SWLa Tea Party: http://ning.it/m5UK7M – by SWLaTeaParty (S.W.La Tea Party)
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Caring for an aging parent ? tips for easing the burden
April 20, 2011
Setting limits for a strong-willed child can be difficult. Teach your child using guidance strategies with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video. Expert: Dr. Craig Childress Contact: www.drcachildress.org Bio: Dr. Craig Childress is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of ADHD and angry-oppositional relationship disorders of childhood. Filmmaker: Max Cusimano Series Description: Raising children can be a confusing project at times. Improve communication with your child and resolve common issues with the assistance of a licensed psychologist in this free video series.
Scary. Exhausting. Life-changing. These are just a few of the thoughts that run through an adult child’s head when they start to think about caring for an aging parent. It’s understandable considering multi-generational homes haven’t been common in modern America. But finding a smart eldercare solution doesn’t have to send you running for the headache meds. These tips and tricks will help make finding a caring for aging parent strategy that creates a happier parent—and a more relaxed you.
• Encouraging social activities is an important part of a good eldercare solution. It’s easy to find activities an aging parent might enjoy. For example, many newspapers print a weekly calendar of senior activities. You can also check online for local senior groups. Don’t forget to look for adult day care services as well. These facilities offer a variety of activities, from music lessons to field trips. Adult day services can be an excellent resource for working families or for caregivers who need a few hours of respite care.
Since social contact is a critical part of an eldercare solution, don’t let lack of suitable transportation stop your loved one from finding interesting activities. Your phone book’s city or municipal services section will direct you to senior-friendly transportation.
Your family is another great source of social activities. Start a Sunday brunch tradition or take a walk every Friday evening. Find an activity that everyone—or almost everyone—will enjoy, and then make it a non-negotiable part of your schedule.
• Don’t go it alone. Caring for an aging parent is one of the most stressful family situations. In fact, research shows that family caregivers are more prone to conditions such as depression and anxiety. Get the help you need to care for your parent the right way. For example, ask a crafty neighbor to help pull out and put up holiday decorations or enlist your college-age son to pick up groceries. An eldercare solution is much less stressful if you take the time to look for help.
• Open communication with your parent’s health care team can also ease the burden of caring for an aging parent. Make time to take your senior parent to medical appointments. If you can’t go, ask a trusted family member. By having a second set of ears, you can ensure that everyone understands the doctor’s treatments and recommendations.
Part of a less-stressed eldercare solution includes making copies of a parent’s health care documents, like medical records, insurance policies, etc. By keeping this information at hand, you won’t find yourself scrambling to access important information needed during a medical crisis.
Caring for aging parent strategies should also include learning more about your parent’s health care plans. Do you know how Medicare works? How will Mom apply for Medicaid, and what determines if she’s eligible? Arming yourself with knowledge now will make life easier when unexpected situations happen.
When it comes to creating a caring for aging parent plan, you
Managing Aging Parents
April 17, 2011
Should blended families use a blender? A humorous video that shows how NOT to “cook” a stepfamily. Find practical book and DVD resources at www.SuccessfulStepfamilies.com.
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Planning for Aging Parents
by Jason ValaVanis, CFP
As a financial planner dedicated to helping the senior investor, I get to witness; firsthand, the aging process and how parents and their children struggle with this inevitability. If us baby boomers ignore what we know will happen, it could spell for a series of disasters. You must get ready, seek qualified advice, ask the right questions, take the necessary steps, and emotionally get prepared. Here are just a few ideas that can get you headed in the right direction. If you are an aging parent and your children are sitting on their hands, cut out this article and mail it to them anonymously.
Have a Board Meeting
So gather your siblings, set a date and consider reviewing the following with your parents.
Get those documents in order.
Every living adult needs five critical documents, mom and dad included. The professionals call these documents the “Advance Directives”. They are; the Last Will and Testament, Power-of-Attorney Appointment, Healthcare Surrogate Appointment, Pre-need Guardian Appointment, and the Living Will. As well, I will often recommend a sixth, The Living Trust, which will help to create a probate-free estate. This “six-pack” of documents can cost upwards of ,000, but I know of a few attorneys that will put this together for less than 0. If your parent has a complex estate or has plans to spread funds to many entities with certain conditions, then more time and dollars will be spent on these documents.
Choose a boss
If you are an only child, skip this step. It is especially important that you and your siblings agree how mom or dad is to be managed, and of course who will do it. Making decisions together is always the best choice, but of course, one day you will be at an impasse. So it is best to have someone in charge that holds the Trump card. This special someone usually will act as your parent’s designated hitter in all of the documents mentioned above. Some families like to have co-bosses. I don’t like this idea, but it is better than no bosses. Availability and reliability are the key concerns. Who wants to be Power-of-Attorney and be 2000 miles away? So, be smart and be practical. If no one is available for the job, then look to a trusted friend, attorney, or other professional. There even exist well-monitored organizations that will step in and handle all of the duties.
Gather and secure all records.
To be prepared for future emergencies, it’s important that a family member knows where your parents store important documents, such as the “six-pack” mentioned above, birth and marriage certificates, Social Security cards, military records and financial documents. In your discussions with parents, you should suggest that they prepare a list of assets and liabilities and let a family member know where this and various financial documents can be found as well. It is also wise to secure names and contact information for your parents’ CPA, lawyer, financial consultant and any other advisors, such as the banker and preacher.
Get adequate insurance.
Now,
Caring for Aging Parents
April 10, 2011
Who typically cares for mom and dad as they age? Research studies indicate that it’s mostly women, usually daughters that become the care-givers for aging parents. Recent estimates report that 34 million Americans serve as unpaid caregivers for other adults, usually elderly relatives, and that they spend an average of 21 hours a week helping out. One of the most important things you can do to help yourself and your family through this transitions is to plan ahead. So let’s take a look at some the issues you might be facing.
Increased Financial Burden
AARP estimates that unpaid caregivers spend an average of ,400 a year on care for their elderly. Those who put in more than 40 hours a week spend as much as ,888 of their own money each year. You will need to prepare for this either individually or as a family. One of the best ways is to have a conversation early on with your parents about what monies they have designed for retirement and how it can be accessed when needed.
The Emotional Consequences
Caregivers typically experience significantly increased levels of stress and restricted social activities. They report having one or more chronic condition such as high blood pressure at nearly twice the rate of all Americans. 91% report being depressed.
This is easy to understand if only one person is responsible for all of the caregiving. It’s important to manage these duties between several members of the family and/or friends if possible. If money permits, hire outside caregivers that have been carefully screened.
This is also a time of life when your parents aging can be the cause that unlocks your family’s hidden (or ignored) dysfunctions. Tempers may flare over seemingly inane situations – often about money. If need be, hire a third-party to come in and mediate family meetings. Someone has to remain objective with the eye on the primary goal of taking care of your elderly parents.
What becomes extremely important is how the caregiver communicates to his/her elderly. Getting old is hard enough and when children have to tell their parents that they are worried about them living alone, it can be uncomfortable for everyone involved. Where will your parents live as they age? How do you tell them that they can’t drive any more? No one prepares us for these kinds of conversations. Again, planning for the future is key to easing this process.
Talking to Older Parents About Independence
Unfortunately the issues won’t go away if you ignore them. So the best way to deal with these inevitable changes is to plan in advance – before any problems arise. A study done by AARP magazine found that most parents feel better about having this kind of discussion when things are going well.
When talking to your parents it’s ok to be direct just not confrontational. Always remember to notice how they are feeling (vs. how you are thinking or feeling or how you think they feel). For example, say to your dad, “My friend Paul’s father is giving up driving. How would you like to get around when you can no longer drive?” Or, “Mom, you seem unsteady on your feet. How can we protect you from falling and hurting yourself?”
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings
